A sample portrait

Richard and Anne Carver

An engineer and a headteacher who met at university, telling their story together and correcting each other as they go.

Richard spent his working life on bridges and motorways; Anne taught in primary schools and was a headteacher for sixteen years. They took the conversations side by side at the dining table, and where their memories differ, the portrait keeps both.

Born 1952 and 1954 · Hampshire, England · A golden wedding gift from Kate and James

Richard and Anne laughing together at their dining table

A chapter from their portrait

Put Both In

From the third of four conversations, on how they met and married.

RichardOctober 1973. I was in my third year at Durham, civil engineering, and there was a bop at the Union on the first Saturday of term. And there was this girl standing by the wall with a half of cider, in a green coat, looking like she'd rather be anywhere else on earth. And I went over and I said, are you waiting for somebody? And she said, yes. And I said, well, he's late. And she laughed.

AnneWe met in the library. The old library on Palace Green, in the first week, before there was any bop. I'd gone in for a book for my education course, Piaget, there was one copy, and there was a tall boy with a beard at the issue desk taking it out. My book. An engineer, taking out Piaget. He never read it. He wanted to see if I'd come and ask for it back.

RichardI've no memory of the library. None at all. I'm not saying it didn't happen. I'm saying the bop is when we met. Properly met.

AnneHe asked me in the launderette on North Road. We were sitting on the bench watching his shirts go round, and he said, Anne, would it be daft if we got married? And I said, yes, it would be completely daft. And his face. And I said, no, I mean yes. The other yes. And the woman who ran the launderette, she'd heard every word, and she came over and gave us a free dry.

RichardPrebends Bridge would have been better.

AnneIt wouldn't. Nobody gets a free dry on Prebends Bridge.

RichardShe remembers the library and I remember the bop. Fifty years and we've never settled it, and we don't need to. Kate says put both in. So put both in.

AnnePut both in. But mine's right.

Sent in by the family

Their questions, answered

Kate, their daughter, asked

Who said “I love you” first?

Richard: She did. Anne: He did. In the Morris, on the A1 near Scotch Corner, the December of '73, driving me home for Christmas. He said it to the windscreen, and then straight after he said, the heater's broken. As if those were connected. Richard: I don't remember saying it. I remember the heater.

James, their son, asked

What's the secret, after fifty years?

Richard: Separate toolboxes. I'm serious. She's got her own drill. Anne: I don't know that there's a secret. We've never both been cross on the same day. One of us is cross and the other one makes the tea.

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Richard, Anne, their family and everyone they name are fictional. Durham and the summer of 1976 are real. Every portrait we make is private to the family.